Crying

[RG_]

LOL. Well, I started to reply to Adelina's post about going through much of that with her, and then aurora chimed in. So I'll just generalize the intended comment a bit.

I think that this little series of posts point out some very important things about the spanking community and finding your way in it. There have also been a few other recent posts around the same theme (Panda Bear's comes to mind), which indicates that this is a pretty important topic in our world. Some of my personal observations:

(1) What people get out of spanking and what people need from spanking is incredibly diverse! It can be almost as different as night and day.

(2) I am surprised at how many people make assumptions, usually subconscious, at how spanking works in the human mind in relation to No. 1 above, and then blithely go blundering through the spanking world. At the least, they are out of touch with a lot of people who don't fit the narrow paradigm in their mind, and at the worst cause a lot of confusion and needless anxiety among those on a journey of discovery themselves. Most often the victims of these often-unintended effects are bottoms and subs.

(3) It's incredibly important to discover and know what YOU want and need from your spanking interest/kink. Until you do, you will not have the potential to be completely happy or satisfied with it. And it's not always an easy world of discovery. It can take much thought, much inner reflection, much learning about the spanking world (and perhaps the wider BDSM world), much talking with others, and more. But the pursuit of understanding yourself is perhaps the single most important thing that you will do. And when you find it, then you must not let others deter you from it.

And more, of course, but I think that catches some of the important essence of what was being touched on here.

[spanked~amber]

Well said RG ! My opinion, which doesn't always account for much, lol, is this;
those who are on the outside of our spanking world that are giving their negative opinions as they peer in at us, need to mind their own beeswax. I don't want to sound rude but really ! Everyone has their kinks, hobbies, interests and so forth. I think it is rude to criticize someone's interest in something out of ignorance. Worst though, is when they spout these opinions in the presence of a sub or bottom like you mention. Focus is what kept me determined to follow through with my curiosity of spanking in the adult world. I'm so glad I did !

[RG_]

Originally Posted by spanked~amber

Well said RG ! My opinion, which doesn't always account for much, lol, is this;
those who are on the outside of our spanking world that are giving their negative opinions as they peer in at us, need to mind their own beeswax. I don't want to sound rude but really ! Everyone has their kinks, hobbies, interests and so forth. I think it is rude to criticize someone's interest in something out of ignorance. Worst though, is when they spout these opinions in the presence of a sub or bottom like you mention. Focus is what kept me determined to follow through with my curiosity of spanking in the adult world. I'm so glad I did !

Amber, I agree with you completely. Just to clarify my own comments, I was referring to people INSIDE the spanking world! LOL. I've seen a lot of folks, both Tops and bottoms, who have these preconceived notions of how spanking works or should work, and apply that to everyone.

I, by the way, I got a chuckle at your "beeswax" usage. That was common where I grew up, too, but think that in general it has fallen out of disuse in most of the U.S. I wonder if that's another of our "Southernisms?"

[Adelina]

"Mind your own beeswax" isn't a Southernism. People said it all the time when I was a kid. It's just gone out of fashion. There was a girl in my 4-H club who did beekeeping and got all bent out of shape whenever people took her bees' name in vain!

And RG's right, it's not the non-spankos, it's people who -are- spankos and don't realize there's more than one type of spanko. I think maybe we get caught in this net of "finally, I found a whole little world (website) where everyone's just like me!" and golly gee, they still aren't all like me. Still lots of variety. I ran into that very blockage myself and had to burrow through it.

[garyspk]

RG said:
I am surprised at how many people make assumptions, usually subconscious, at how spanking works in the human mind in relation to No. 1 above, and then blithely go blundering through the spanking world. At the least, they are out of touch with a lot of people who don't fit the narrow paradigm in their mind, and at the worst cause a lot of confusion and needless anxiety among those on a journey of discovery themselves. Most often the victims of these often-unintended effects are bottoms and subs.


...I couldn't have said this better myself.

To any newbies (or OLDbies, for that matter), keep that paragraph in mind at all times. That really sums it up nicely. Truer words were never spoken!

[BlackVelvet007]

Adelina's dead-on. The biggest misconception most newbies and non-spankos have is that all spankings HAVE to be some harsh, disciplinary black & blue affair. If that's what you WANT, it can be arranged, but it doesn't HAVE to be that way. It can be sensual to the point of being erotic. It can be playful to the point that someone ties the shoelaces together while over the lap (no taking notes, now ). Sometimes you just need maintenance spankings to keep in line with what you're doing. So many styles, so many nuances, so many options. Which is why we have these great threads about crying and rubbing