Crying

[BlackVelvet007]

Loaded question. As a male spanker, does it make me look bad to say I LIKE it when a spankee bawls like a baby over my lap? It usually falls under "fantasies I enjoy which I don't get to enact" because, as the opening post says, spankees rarely cry for various reasons. Occasionally, like Amber said, when it's disciplinary and the spankee enters the right mindset, it CAN happen and in truth it's amazing on both sides when it does. Just lay out as much time for aftercare as necessary.

[Adelina]

Hmm. The bawl-like-a-baby deal has always been a part of my fantasies. It's a very attractive element to me, turns me on if someone tells me that's their plan for me. I wonder why I'm so different? I feel like I must be missing something!

Maybe it's because I don't do discipline? That it isn't directly connected to pesky emotions?

[spanked~amber]

Originally Posted by Adelina

Hmm. The bawl-like-a-baby deal has always been a part of my fantasies. It's a very attractive element to me, turns me on if someone tells me that's their plan for me. I wonder why I'm so different? I feel like I must be missing something!

Maybe it's because I don't do discipline? That it isn't directly connected to pesky emotions?

Adelina, I'm just wondering, and just tell me to mind my own beeswax if you may- Do you choose to not be spanked for discipline or has it just not happened as of yet ? I know everyone has their own spanking desires here and for some that means spanking only for pleasure, while others like myself need both kinds. Ok all, a confession I do need to feel like someone gives a flip about my staying in line so to speak, lol. Anyway, if this is a choice that you don't do discipline spankings, is it because of the vulnerability issue as Sarah has mentioned ? Or does the whole idea of being submisive in that way turn you off ? Inquiring minds wanna know.

[Adelina]

Originally Posted by spanked~amber

Adelina, I'm just wondering, and just tell me to mind my own beeswax if you may- Do you choose to not be spanked for discipline or has it just not happened as of yet ? I know everyone has their own spanking desires here and for some that means spanking only for pleasure, while others like myself need both kinds. Ok all, a confession I do need to feel like someone gives a flip about my staying in line so to speak, lol. Anyway, if this is a choice that you don't do discipline spankings, is it because of the vulnerability issue as Sarah has mentioned ? Or does the whole idea of being submisive in that way turn you off ? Inquiring minds wanna know.

Excellent question! Thanks for asking.

I am entirely uninterested in discipline, Amber. It never crossed my mind in the decades I was growing up and fantasizing about spanking; it was always about excitement, thrill, and, as I got older, sex. I actually have quite good problem-solving skills and a knack for self-reflection. Though it takes me time to work through all my mental cogs and gears and figure things out, I find that much more satisfying than simply having someone tell me the solution. That makes me feel constricted, rather than secure. If I am in bad space, in a "down" as a result of my challenging anxiety disorder, I feel much more comfortable being left alone and resent attempts to butt in and "help."

When I immersed myself into this online scene and discovered that such a lifestyle [DD] existed, I was at first quite appalled and thought all these women needed help! I now know better. But, I tried to make myself want discipline, because I had this sense that if I didn't go for the discipline, I'd 1) not find a partner, and 2) not be considered a "real" spanko. So, I tried. And tried. And while I got extremely pissed off, angry, resentful, and ended up fed up with spanking altogether, I never got all these warm fuzzy feelings that people say discipline gives them. Might be my upbringing [supremely perfectionist with no forgiveness ever in sight], might just be my personality type [methodical and analytical].

While spanking is my primary focus and I adore it, I think in intent, I have more in common with the wider BSDM community in terms of the eroticism I associate with spanking. I love black leather, locks and chains [not necessarily being IN them!], and pain for its own sake. I like my play very intense, and then when the scene is done, equilibrium is restored. I am now able to go about it without having it all about sex, but my primary goals are still recreational and sensual, not behavioral.

[Adelina]

By the way, I figured most of that out about myself by babbling at poor RG. I owe that guy a pizza. Er, wait, he's Southern... I own him some greens n beans.

[aurora]

Hey, if ya owe him some greens n' beans, Adelina, then I owe him the fried chicken or some such. RG is king when it comes to self-discovery babble.

[RG_]

LOL. Well, I started to reply to Adelina's post about going through much of that with her, and then aurora chimed in. So I'll just generalize the intended comment a bit.

I think that this little series of posts point out some very important things about the spanking community and finding your way in it. There have also been a few other recent posts around the same theme (Panda Bear's comes to mind), which indicates that this is a pretty important topic in our world. Some of my personal observations:

(1) What people get out of spanking and what people need from spanking is incredibly diverse! It can be almost as different as night and day.

(2) I am surprised at how many people make assumptions, usually subconscious, at how spanking works in the human mind in relation to No. 1 above, and then blithely go blundering through the spanking world. At the least, they are out of touch with a lot of people who don't fit the narrow paradigm in their mind, and at the worst cause a lot of confusion and needless anxiety among those on a journey of discovery themselves. Most often the victims of these often-unintended effects are bottoms and subs.

(3) It's incredibly important to discover and know what YOU want and need from your spanking interest/kink. Until you do, you will not have the potential to be completely happy or satisfied with it. And it's not always an easy world of discovery. It can take much thought, much inner reflection, much learning about the spanking world (and perhaps the wider BDSM world), much talking with others, and more. But the pursuit of understanding yourself is perhaps the single most important thing that you will do. And when you find it, then you must not let others deter you from it.

And more, of course, but I think that catches some of the important essence of what was being touched on here.

Crying is a loaded thing for sure. For me crying only can come if both psychological and physical things are present. If i am being punished, i can start to cry even before I am spanked, because of how I feel about what is going to happen or because of what I did. Sometimes after a long, hard spanking I cry after, sometimes even after the spanker leaves...i am not sure if it is the let down or what. I wish I would cry more often cause I like that release.

[MichiganHeadmaster]

Veronica, I love pics of teary-eyed girls after a spanking. Hope you allow a few of those to be caught and posted on your site.

[Veronica Daniels]

Mich-

There are plenty of photos and video on our new site of me crying! In fact, I would say there are more of me crying than not!

We are thinking about a DVD of just spankings with tears...what do you think?

Best-
Veronica