SSC *yawwwnnnnnnn*

[aurora]

Safe, Sane, and Consentual, yada, yada, yada.... We're heard it all before. Well, I think it's over-rated!

Personally, I happen to be a fan of non-consentual spanking. I know that's not "politically correct", honestly, I do. It's how my head works, though. It's that adrenaline rush of getting up-ended by a man (or woman) who actually takes action, rather than talk something around in whiney circles. It's the feeling of helplessness and desperation when they ignore your cries and pleas! It's the twisting and bucking in a hopless attempt for freedom, knowing all the while that your efforts are futile.... and relishing every second of it in the deepest recesses of my mind!

This leaves me in an awful dilema at parties. The rules are that you have to ask someone to play, and they have to agree, and you go off merrily to commence your spankering... I can't say "yes" to anyone when they ask, though. The whole begging my permission thing is such a turn off! Even if I really, really wanted to play with that person, it's damned near impossible for me to answer "yes", when asked. Luckily I've always had dear friends with me who could whisper in a good candidate's ear, "psssttt.... just take her off by the arm!" Of course, this means that there has to be some sort of connection between individuals, and that the spanker understands the spankee is giving off the "yes, please!" vibe, without actually speaking the words. I'm certainly not suggesting that any Joe Schmoe who wants a peice of my tail can have it.

What about the other two, safe and sane? Hell, take a look around at your peers. I'm not sure any of us are the sanest people around. In addition to our little idiosyncrasies, there's the obvious part that we're all either desiring pain inflicted upon ourselves or desiring to hurt someone else, to some extent or another. If a general census was taken, how many people would consider that sane???? That's okay, though, I wouldn't want it any other way. The little mantra repeated amongst Florida Moonshine members is "I'm not normal, but I'm nice", and I think that's just perfect.

I'm not really sure you could accurately call our activities "safe", either. Sure, we take precautions. The idea is never to cause any lasting damage. We try to be in tune to our partners' reactions and needs. A lot of people use safewords, ect... Facts are facts, though. We're still talking about a repeatitive, blunt force trauma. There's always the chance for harm to occur. When a stroke goes stray and catches on our backs or something... sure, we may throw a hissy fit, but for the most part we accept that those ill-landed swats are part of the packaged deal. There are always the odd and unexpected injuries too.... Naughty roaming hands getting caught under the implement, choking on the soap, pulling a hamstring while trying to maintain position, pinching someone's nipple off in a clamp... who knows? And what about the marks? How often do you see people comparing marks or talking about them? For those who don't require discression, marks are worn with pride, a badge of honor! How does THAT speak of safety?

Anyway, I'm welcoming other input. This was just my little rant. Am I alone in my thoughts?

[jerseysweet]

I second this entire post.

Now that i think about it, all the spankings I've had from people simply asking and me saying yes, were rather boring and difficult to get into...

[paddlemebarenyc]

Well, I do agree that the IDEA of being thrown over a knee or taken by force has appeal...in fantasy land only. I, for one, need to feel safe and secure to fully enjoy what is being done to me. After all, it is MY choice to get spanked...I chose to go to the party, pick a partner, decide on a DD relationship, etc... If I'm unhappy with my situation I simply change it.

I also understand the concept of marks and trauma. Is this sane?
To me it is. If I chose to have a session continue to the point that I am bruised, then so be it. I am in the state of mind to accept what my top has decided to give me. I also wouldn't be comfortable playing with someone who would willingly hurt me. I have read and heard HORROR stories of spankees being abused. I, myself, have had to end a session by physically getting up and fighting back because things had crossed that line.

Frankly, I think it all boils down to responsibilty. Being responsible enough to care for your own well being. We make the choice to enter this lifestyle and we should be adult enough to leave it if it doesn't benefit us.

I have been fortunate enough to find tops that take that control from me....and let me rest in the knowledge that I am safe with them. It is precisely from this trust that I can accept whatever they give me....bruises, marks, stripes...what have you. Those are marks I will gladly wear with pride.

[sarah thorne]

Safe, Sane, Consensual are used, of course, within the context of what we are doing. Does that mean those words would be used in the same context in other vanilla situations? Probably not.

To even think of applying the same connotation is actually somewhat dangerous (read truly unsafe), and can be confusing to Tops, as if they don't have enough confusion as it is. I doubt most spanko women want spanko men to read this and get the idea that they can just grab any woman at a party because it's secretly "what they want", then continue subject them to all kinds of S&M activities of which they have no interest in or truly dislike.

So safe, sane, consensual within the context of you and your partner and what you want/like/desire is vastly different from truly non consensual activity.

I actually thought you made a post somewhat contradictory to the ideas expressed here just a few weeks ago about crossing lines......

No wonder guys get confused.

paddlemebarenyc, you said it perfectly.

sarah

Aurora,

This is a forum for the exchange of ideas. To borrow a line from Samuel L. Jackson in "Pulp Fiction"....."Oh were you finished? Well allow me to retort."

Safe: I have preached time and again on the importance of safety and respect. It is the bedrock principle that should guide this or any other fetish play. I have a good friend...someone who was just getting into the scene who made the error of meeting someone from out of town in a hotel room. I will not go into the details of a very sad story. She was traumatized for weeks. Much as a bottom would like to relinquish control....personal safety has to prevail.

Sane: I resent the implication that someone with this kink is somehow "not normal." We have struggled against that perception from the vanilla world for years. Are there manic depressives, psychotics, socio-paths, anxiety disorder etc. people in the scene? I suppose so but certainly in no greater percentage than a bridge club or bowling team. We practice a fetish that we enjoy. I for one do NOT enjoy inflicting pain. The scene is about playing, reverting to childhood, escape, relaxation and about a thousand other reasons. I have administered very few disciplinary spankings and I didn't enjoy any of them. My wife suffers from migraines. I suppose if I liked to see people in pain I could flash the lights and crank up the Rolling Stones. Instead I make our home a dark, quiet place...place cool clothes on her forehead and sit up beside her until she finally falls asleep....sound like a sadist to you?

Consensual: I wish we had a portable meter that would indicate: "Spanko...wants spanking....will not ask for one.....proceed to blister behind....pay no attention to protests." I'll ask the gang in the Research and Development Lab to get right on that....meanwhile...how else are we to know? If you are at a spanking party it is a pretty good indication that you aren't there to play scrabble but how is a Top to know that your "no" is really a "yes" unless you communicate?

I understand that you would love someone to simply decide that you were due for a spanking and take you in hand without heed to your protests....but Aurora.....unless you can find a special Top that will accept that arrangement...party play is just not the place to expect it.

Warm regards,

rangerboy

[aurora]

My crossing lines post had nothing to do with this lifestyle, but rather the fact that I found it hard to act out against an abusive situation because of my lifestyle choice. That situation was completely outside TTWD.