"Not Now Maybe Later"

[texas_jack]

Haven't met one yet that I felt like turning down, but that's just me.

[raavyn]

Well, i can't imagine anyone saying no to BV ... but since i can't be there, i want pictures, ya'all ... LOTS and LOTS of pictures.

[jerseysweet]

"Not now, but maybe later" really can mean, later.

If someone doesn't want to play with you, then they say "Maybe later" all of the other times you ask them, then they don't want to.

This requires some brain power - look at a person when they are giving their reply, watch how they move, their facial expression, how they say it, and are they looking beyond you when they say maybe later?

It's important to be able to not only verbally communicate but read peoples physical reactions to you.

ie. if someone cringes when you come near them and ask them to play, and they say "Not now, maybe later" I wouldn't ask again.

I guess I am just overly used to creeps approaching me at parties/clubs and even if I tell them no thank you, they come up after they've witnessed me playing and say "Put you played with him" and then you're like "Because he isn't a creep". It's tough to be the keeper of the key so to speak.

But women get turned down as well. Not as often, but it happens. Everyone gets rejected at some point. Cut your loses and move on.

[sarah thorne]

Originally Posted by jerseysweet

"Not now, but maybe later" really can mean, later.

If someone doesn't want to play with you, then they say "Maybe later" all of the other times you ask them, then they don't want to.

This requires some brain power - look at a person when they are giving their reply, watch how they move, their facial expression, how they say it, and are they looking beyond you when they say maybe later?

It's important to be able to not only verbally communicate but read peoples physical reactions to you.

This is easy to say, and I think it can be hard to believe that there are people out there who process and think in such concrete terms that when someone says something like "maybe later", then they believe that's what is meant. There are people who really can not grasp social cues and gauge people's physical reactions.

For these same people who process this way, being direct (even when most people might read more into it than is there) is in no way taken as an affront, but what it means - which is "no". (Or "yes")

It seems to me the simple answer would be to simply say what you mean, then no one is confused.

After having a child with Autism, I am more able to realize that some people who may not "get it" when most people will, are not necessarily evil stalkers or stupid or creepy ---- they simply are more concrete and literal than most. (and yes, okay, some ARE creepy)

So it just doesn't take "brainpower" for those asking --- it takes acceptance and understanding from those responding so they are as clear about their own intentions as they want to be.

BV, I plan full well to play with you if you'll have me. Know that ahead of time.

sarah