How submissive is submissive?

[liz]

Well Sarah, I suppose your point is well taken! I am quite sure some of those real stories are not really real. I suppose just because I am tellign the truth...

And I also get your point on accountability, a point which does get tiresome as a teacher, I have to say. ;-) We are up to our ears with "standards this and accountability that. so maybe I have a bad taste for it. Anyway, yes, I see what you mean and you are making a lot of sense. (BTW, I would guess the everyday Starbucks would be a good place to start. Do you know how much that would cost a year? Yikes!)

I am single btw. And not in a serious relationship right now.

Someone else's point. The sexes are equal not the same, there is a difference. I think some women's libbers circa 1970s argued that there were no differences it was all cultural. Well we know now that there are many differences aside from the more obvious ones. ;-) Even the way the brains work. BBS had a very nice show on this, btw. I don't think hung up is the word. I am not hung up on it. I might view this differently than you do is all.

Mike, uh oh, on the high no. of crazed kooks. But as I said I am rather cautious. No, make that VERY cautious. I was lurking on these things way long ago, and didn't even participate when it was on usenet, because your email address was on the post. So this doesn't even include actual encounters, because as I said I had one. It was awhile ago. Things were all very equal. But it was not a DD type thing. We were mostly playing. He was a little puzzled by my liking of it, but after awhile I think he started liking it. I can't really even remember what happened with the relationship but we left rather amiably I think. So that has been it, and I haven't even experimented around at all past that. Ya'll seem like a pretty nice bunch though-- and mostly I gather rather bright.

--liz

Originally Posted by sarah thorne

Two things. Many things labeled "real" online are not "real" about 90% of the time, or there is more to the story.

Secondly,I think possibly you misunderstood someone taking accountability for my life. I take accountability for my life. I have someone who holds me accountable, which really, in the grand scheme of things, is not an odd concept at all.

You are married...? (I don't recall) Most people in serious relationships are held accountable for their actions that may damage that relationship. It may not be in the same way that I am held accountable, but all the same, they must answer for certain behaviors that damage their relationships or they will lose their relationship. This, imo, is not about control but equality and consideration and communication.

Same thing at work. If you do something you're not supposed to, yes YOU are responsible for your own actions but it will be the boss who calls you on it and holds you accountable by making you remedy the situation or "disciplining" you.

There are "rules" and protocol all around us in how to act, from speeding and such, and accountability from outside sources to help give us "incentives" to not break these rules. Relationships have them too. I don't know any relationship where both people can just off and do whatever, use their ATM card without reserve,overdraw the bank account continuously, disappear for days at a time and not call, and not get some kind of consequence from their partner.

The difference is in the way those "consequences" are doled out. And the difference, as well, is that I have accepted an authority from him, and so he can give me a guideline based on something I have claimed I needed (me: "man, I need to stop drinking mochas! I've gained 10 lbs and they're 700 calories!" and then him: "you may not get a Mocha from Starbucks unless you ask me first.") - and then discipline me for breaking that. I have no willpower, and view it as him "helping" me. I want to avoid that discipline, like I want to avoid a ticket. (btw, he nearly always says "yes" when I ask, but knowing I had to ask has made me cut down on drinking the damn things every other day!)

It has always baffled me when people seem to act like accountability is a crazy concept. We are accountable to all kinds of people, everyday. This is why I believe that many people form their opinions on a relationship like what I have from far-out stories about punishments for not having dinner on the table as soon as he gets home, or the dishes done, etc. At least with me, that doesn't happen.

Did I make any sense? I am still on my first cup of coffee.