My First Awareness

[Rose]

I think you are right that this is something that we are most likely born with. I cannot understand why else I would have been so fascinated by it before I was old enough to understand what sexual interest or arousal was. My interest in spanking was and is clearly something that is beyond my control.

What makes it difficult is that it sometimes conflicts with other parts of my personality. I am an intelligent, independent, and capable woman. One of the biggest reasons that I am unable to admit or talk to my friends about my interest is that the fact that my husband spanks me seems to suggest that I am not independent or capable. So when I'm working, or attending classes, or doing any of the things that I am responsible for in the outside world, I feel sometimes like I'm telling a lie. Like I'm putting on a facade of independence that does not necessarily represent who I really am. And I wish that I really could be that way. Does that make sense?

[aurora]

Rose, you just phrased the inner struggle most of us fight with perfectly. Granted, there are a few absolute and complete submissives who may not have such feelings... But as for the greater majority of us, we all face that sometimes.

My head's screwed on tight, I'm responsible with everything in my daily life, I've been financially independent since I was 16... I don't NEED anyone to take control of my life or reinforce positive habits... but, I want it. Or, at least I want the idea that I have that formidable, stable "rock" in my life.

My real name isn't Aurora, but I feel like Aurora is who I really am, and my other name is just associated with the vanilla persona I have to wear sometimes.