spanking or abuse

[switt]

Originally Posted by crimsonbottom

Although a confirmed spanko who has had many experiences of being spanked form an early age but kept very private, I have now given in to the urge to find out more of what goes on 'out there'. One thing has puzzled me. I . except for a few instances, have always been spanked by hand - usually on the bare bottom - and the use of implements such as hard hair brushes, canes etc I regard as almost an assault. A firm hand on a bottom can get the message home well enough without inflicting serious pain or brusing. I understand that everyone is entitled to their own thing but as I said I just don't get the inflicting of really serious pain on another.
Am I wrong? maybe I should just keep to myself and get on with my thing.

Well, first off you can't be wrong with an opinion... but having said that there are very varying desires when it comes to adult spanking. A lot of people (most of the ones I have met in the spanking scene) would completely agree with you. For us (the lovely wife with her spankable bottom and I) however, hand spankings are at best foreplay to vanilla sex. When it comes to spanking there needs to be pain and bruising, and yes in our relationship that is true for both of us. It is easy for the spanker to say he wants to see bruises (actually quite a bit harder to also pull it through with someone you love). But if anything my wife is even more disappointed than I am when she can't admire some nice marks in the mirror the next morning after a punishment.
I don't think I can explain why either of us feels the way we do, even though my wife and I sometimes philosophize about it. I know I love spanking her. I know she loves getting spanked both for fun, but also for punishment. By now (four years) she also knows that while I will punish her, I will forgive her after and I have never held her past mistakes over her head. And she knows that I can and do admit when it was me who was wrong. I know many people will and do disagree with our lifestyle, but it works for us. We are still just as much in love as during the infatuation period and at the rare times that we do fight, it is over very quickly. I step back and think, if it was my fault I apologize, if it was hers I tell her to fetch one of our toys so I can spank her. I usually do ask her after, if she agreed with my decision (it is after all still with consent) - so far once she told me she thought I was too hard on her for what she did, and a few times when I did apologize myself she told me I should have beaten her anyway since it wasn't only my fault But most of the time she agrees with my decision or even admits that she thought she would deserve and get much worse than what she got.

[SirKen]

My last sub, she's since found a partner and we no longer meet but she always wanted the cane through a thin towel on her birthday. She would hug two pillows and bury her face in them, she never cried, don't know how she could handle 36 really hard strokes on the last one but afterwards she couldn't thank me enough.

[Farmgirl]

I agree that the hand is usually all that is necessary. I say that, having experienced spankings for two purposes. It was punishment for me as a kid, and while I might have disagreed at the time, in looking back I don't consider it abuse, even though switches and various kitchen implements were used on me. In my teens it morphed into erotic foreplay...and that has resulted in my credo today being "the most intimate position is across a male lap, and the most intimate implement is the male hand!"

You may have your artificial implements if you want pure punishment, but I don't, and what I want now is intimacy, which for a female definitely means the male hand...

[Byron]

Its impossible for any act to qualify as abuse if done with consent. That being said, merely being touched by someone without consent constitutes an assault. It has nothing to do with severity.