Yeah, what Sarah said
OK, grab a seat....
While I may use "sub" or "submissive" occasionally I use those words liberally. The girls I was with were spankees but far from true subs at all, although they had some tendencies. I also use "dom" or "dominant" loosely for the same reasons.
I am a dom or top. I happen to be a spanker. I don't enjoy being spanked, or rather it doesn't do anything for me. Physically, emotionally and mentally I ignore pain (I send my mind somewhere else or go inside a ball) and even being hit with a paddle, strap, cane etc (short of somebody going insane on me) would be hard to bring to a level I didn't "float away" from.
Every now and then I'll mention "points". My spanking relationships were mostly based on a "naughty points" system if you will. Both myself and the other person I was with agreed upon everything to do with this. Some things could "earn" a spanking and other times there were several smaller things that added together for a spanking. It was never real points like "you got 5 points for breaking a dish" or anything like that, it was just misbehavior kept track of. It was all discussed before a punishment took place and generally agreed that she had misbehaved and deserved a spanking. Sometimes she would "tell on" herself and tell me she thought she deserved a spanking. In this matter though, I had the "final word".
I use "final word" liberally also and I think that everyone here would agree that it's not Supreme Court Decision final. For example I never had a girl break up with me and said "That's bad and you're getting spanked.". I don't think anybody on here with the final word would try to spank someone who seriously and emphatically said "No!". I mean those who get spanked on here may say "Damn I got spanked with the bathbrush earlier and it stung like mad" but nobody comes on and says "I got beat with a brush earlier today and i'm scared, what should I do? He/she might be coming back, should I call the police?". If that were the case it would move from our world in to the range of assault/domestic violence.
I've met submissive girls in the true sense who wanted me to tell them what to wear, what to eat, who they could talk to, etc. I'm naturally dominant and I'm used to having to be in charge or take over in a crisis, and while I may enjoy some small dom things (like "making" my GF hand me her panties at a restaraunt when she's wearing a skirt
) I want a partner to share with, not someone I'm truly in complete control of. I enjoy my part of the power exchange, but my partner has to enjoy their part at least as much or it will never work. I couldn't be happy with someone who did this for me, but didn't enjoy it. Having "power" over some things can be a turn on for me, but I never want to dominate someones will.
I'm a spanker yes, but anybody that truly knows me also knows that I never have and never will hit a woman out of anger. I won't even spank if I'm angry. I am completely against domestic assault weather it's emotional, mental or physical. In this case I would never spank someone "against their will". This is something that has to be between both parties.
I think "our kink" has to have fantasy on both parts for it to exist. I don't think anybody here is battered or a batterer. So while some may go farther than others, it's still in the fantasy world. The people here are still functional and (mostly
) rational and whether top or bottom have something they share with a partner. So whether it's a "need" or just a "want" it's something enjoyed or at least comforting on some level to all of us.