She Cries

[Qwertyuiop]

I spank my fiancée for purely erotic purposes, no discipline or anything like that. This started off as her fetish but has become one we both share, and is something which I find to be a great addition to sex, she agrees.

When she introduced me to this I didn't spank her very hard. It's become progressively harder by her request, but it's gotten to the point where she cries, and still wants me to keep spanking her more and harder. This is hard for me to do psychologically. I've tried a few different things to keep doing it, but when she starts crying it's just not possible for me to keep spanking her. Two times I've been able to, once I spanked lighter and lighter (unintentionally), until she stopped crying. The other time I kept going by focusing on something else while I was doing it, until she stopped me. When she did and I saw her face, I almost felt like vomiting, I felt awful. She had tears all over her face, her eyes were red, and she was sobbing and sniffling. That really took me out of the mood.

I've told her that it's really hard for me to do, and she says she understands and that it's not a problem, but I can tell that she's really disappointed. I'm sure I can't be the only one who has this problem, so does anyone have any advice for how to get over this?

Thanks

[koryu]

This is hard, and I've been in the same place except on the other end I had a gf who wasn't capable of causing me pain but wanted to do the whole spanking thing because I liked it. I learned to accept that she was only ever going to be so rough and I cared for her enough that it didn't matter. In a relationship people have to make concessions. people assume that just because one person is dominant they call all the shots, but the truth its usually the submissive who is the demanding leader. I feel your frustration maybe you can concede to go hard on her one night out of ten or once a month or something you can live with. And if you can't be rough at all then tell her. don't let one aspect of your sexual relations ruin everything. try other things like bondage or roleplay and find something else she gets off on, most folks who are a little masochistic or kinky have more than on get off if they know it yet or not. They usually just strongly prefer one thing over another.

[Chuckles]

Seems to me like this is the sort of situation where a safeword (combined with mutual trust between the participants) ought to be able to smooth the way. If the spanker and spankee can trust each other sufficiently, the spanker shouldn't be disturbed by tears, so long as the safeword hasn't been used. Many spankees truly want to shed tears; it's a valuable release of pent-up tension for them.

[bbspanked]

Chuckles has a very good point in reference to using a safe word. What I think your problem is that you are afraid that you are going too far. If your g/f likes what you are doing, you should relax and do it to her. If you are too close to or have exceeded her limits, then she should use a safe word that is agreeable with both of you. The safe word should not be the words NO or STOP, as many people being spanked may use those words and not mean it. They actually want you to keep going. I use MERCY as it is not a word that I commonly use, but it can be any word that she wouldn't commonly use when she is getting spanked. This just may make it easier for you to adjust, and believe me, you will adjust as time goes on. Just make sure that you respect any limits that she puts on your sessions.

[Farmgirl]

I too agree that she should have a safeword. I am also spanked erotically (and have been for some 20 years) and in the beginning he gave me a safeword, but I only used it once that I can remember. Back then he was also afraid of hurting me, but in fairness I have to say I never really needed to be taken to tears to achieve sexual arousal. Apparently your girl does; but then we're all different. At any rate my having a safeword and never using it made him feel better about the situation until we got fully tuned in to each other's wants and needs.

It guilt involved? I had a lot of guilt inside me from my childhood, but that got worked out over the early part of our relationship. However, some girls may have a lot deeper sense of guilt, and may actually want the tears, regardless of the pain it may take. I have chatted with a few like that, and I'm like that myself on occasion. When I get emotionally wound up too tightly, I'll ask him for a 'therapy spanking.' These are definitely hard and are meant to make me cry, because the flowing tears seem to wash away all the guilt and tension and the general 'fuzz' in my brain. This may only happen once a year if that.

I think that when you have been together long enough, you will get tuned into each other and there won't be a problem, but it means talking to each other and experimenting. It took us about a year and a half.