Helen's ticket Part 1

[Oldtimersammy]

It's a hot, quiet Sunday afternoon in Mayberry. After church and having lunch, Aunt Bee and Opie take in a movie while Andy and Barney relax on the front porch. "Ya! Andge!" Barney snorts; "There's nothing better than a quiet day to soothe the nerves!" "Uuum! you're so right Barn'" Andy sighs while stretching his legs and crossing his low cut boots! "Ha! Ha! Why can't every day be Sunday?" Barney chuckles, crinking his neck! "Well, then..we wouldn't appreciate it as much!" Andy reasons. Taking the toothpick from his mouth, Barney yawns then scoffs; "Andge.....why do you have to be so damn realistic?" "Ha! Ha! Barn'....it's Sunday.....Remember no swearing!"

Then breaking the serenity, a roar is heard followed by a large cloud of dust! Nearly swallowing his toothpick, Barney leaps up. "Andy..did you see th...that sportscar speeding? It must've been going 80 miles an hour!" Getting up and looking down the street, Andy sternly replies; "Ya! I saw it Barney....Let's go!" Jumping into the squad car Andy starts the engine, turns on the siren and takes off to catch the speeding car! Racing down the streets and over the dirt roads, Andy finally pulls over the small, red sports car in a cloud of dust!

"Andy..Let me handle this!" Barney shouts while storming from the squad car. Walking quickly up to the shiney, red car, his jaw drops and his eyes pop-out! "H-Helen.....I-It's you!" Quickly glancing back at Andy trudging up to the car. "Andge!....I-It's Helen!" Looking in dis-belief Andy gasps; "Helen...What are you doing?" "Oh! hi Andy....I just was trying out my uncle Jim's new sports car......How do you like it?" "Ya! the car I like.....Speeding I don't!" He sternly replies. "Oh! C'mon Andy...Dear!" Helen coos while rubbing the back of his hand resting on the car door. "And guess what? She chuckles; "I know the Sheriff!" "Ya! you know the Sheriff alright Helen!" Andy repeats; "And you also know the law...I'am going to give you a ticket!" "Gee! Andy!" Barney grins; "That's Helen, you can't give her a ticket!" "Just watch me Barney....Just watch me!" Pulling out the ticket pad, Andy quickly scribbles on the pad, and hands the ticket to Helen! Walking back to the squad car, Andy turns his head and commands; "Helen......Please follow us back to the station................Barney get in the car!"

Back at the police station, Andy walks over to his desk and changes the name plate from Sheriff to "Justice of the Peace" as Helen and Barney stare in dis-belief! "Andy...It's Helen's first offense!" Barney tries to reason. "No No! Barney...Helen tried to say her speeding was alright....Because she knows me!" Standing defiantly in front of the desk, Helen states her case. "Damnit Andy....I was just having some fun!....Don't be such a prude!" Staring at Helen for a few moments, Andy replies; "Miss Crump...That will be 10 dollars...For speeding!" Being outraged, Helen's eyes flash as she snorts; "No Andy.....I won't pay it....Put me in jail!" "A-Ah! Andge!" Barney nervously whispers; "Couldn't we settle this in a more civil manner?" "Ya! Barney, we sure can!" He retorts "She can pay the damn fine!" Folding her arms across her ample chest, Helen snears; "Sheriff Taylor...Lock me up!" Shaking his head in frustration, Andy bleats; "Helen....Y-You're acting like a.....Spoiled brat!" "Ok! Andy....So let it be!" She scoffs! Walking over and sitting down at his desk, Andy mulls aloud of his and Helen's future intentions! "Yes Helen.....You and me....Have been dating ....For quite awhile now!....And have had some talk of marriage some day!" With Helen just staring silently, Andy finishes his appraisal; "Well Helen...I can't see this behavior in...or..out if we do get married!....So as Barney would put it....We need to nip it.....Nip it in the bud!" "And just what do you mean?" Helen demands. Slowly moving his eyes down Helen's shapely torso, from the tight sweater covering her full breasts, to the trim waist, then the ample hips encased in a navy blue, flared skirt. Beginning to feel a flow of tension, Helen repeats; "Andy...Just what do you mean...What are your intentions?" Turning to Barney Andy calmy asks; "Barn' how 'bout going outside...And watching the front door?" Sure Andy!" He squeals, "But why?" "
Ah!....Helen and me....Ah!....Will be busy for awhile!" "Busy doing what?" Helen demands. "Just getting our lives back in order!" Andy snaps back!

Now with Barney sitting on the bench just outside the jailhouse. Andy starts to walk toward Helen still standing in front of his desk. "A-Andy...w-what are y-you going to do?" Helen you've needed this for a very long time!......Remember how silly you were with that female lawyer that I was working with?" Just staring pop-eyed, Helen begins to back away from Andy. "And remember ....How jealous you got, when my ex-girlfriend and I accidently got lost in the woods?" He continues, "H-Huh! someway!" She bleats. "Well then Helen!" Andy informs with a slight grim; "I need to show you......Who has the upper hand.....And will wear the pants in our family!

To be continued!