Self Abuse II

[Setinkhan]

I shuffled about a foot to the desk and bent over and grabbed an angel, and with a deep breath pulled up on both of them. It is strange that when you’re very excited and full of fear certain parts of your body can betray your true feelings. When some young boys start down the road to adolescence some of those parts of your body will undergo a growth spurt. Combine this with the blood racing through your body in the state of fear and apprehension, and it makes for a strange sight.
I took a deep breath and lowered my head and waited for the first question. It would always start with a question.
“You do know that it is wrong to lie to me don’t you”, my mother asked?
“Yes, ma’am I do know that it is wrong to lie to you”, I replied. We always answered in complete sentences. There was never any yes and no answers.
“And you lied to me anyway knowing it is wrong, so you did it on purpose”, she stated! I never do hear a swish sound. Maybe because it is so thick, but I always hear and feel when it contacts me, and now when it contacted I could hear the slap against my bare skin and feel the intense pain shoot up from my butt! I really don’t feel the sting as much as I feel the shooting pain.
Mother continued, “So you knew it was wrong, but you went ahead and lied to me anyway”. Then another swat landed and shot through me again. “Did you do that just to hurt me? I expect an answer young man”!
“I’m sorry ma’am, I should have known that I couldn’t fool you, but I’m just weak and I would never try to hurt you”, I stated. “SWAP!” The paddle landed again and I exhaled deeply feeling my bottom already starting to throb with pain.
“Well maybe we can make you stronger”, Mother said and then she let go with another stroke from her paddle. “THWACK!” This one kind of knocked the air out of me and made me start to breathe deeply. “I keep hoping that you will start acting like a young man, but you continue to act like a little scared boy. You knew what you did was wrong, but no you had to lie to me to try and cover up your bad deeds”, Mother rationalized.
“Yes ma’am, I did and I’m very sorry because I realize now how it hurts you”.
“SWAP!” The paddle landed again and now it really was starting to hurt. Nothing existed in the room anymore except for Mother, the paddle, and me.
“Yes it did hurt me, but not as much as it will hurt you”, she commented. “Now we need to talk about abusing yourself. You do know that was wrong don’t you”, Mother asked as her fingers traced the bruises and whelps that were already starting to appear.
I do now Mother and th… “THWACK!” The paddle interrupted me and Mother told me to be quiet unless she asked me a question, because I don’t know what I’m talking about. I didn’t say anything, but just tried to breathe deeply and slowly.
Mother continued, “It is bad because it selfish. “THWACK!” Another deep breath followed by a whimper when I exhaled. “It is selfish because it isn’t shared with another person. Now if you were older and had a wife you and her could share making love to have children. Not to selfishly indulge yourself in self abuse!” “THWACK!”
This time I voiced the pain coursing through me. I was on the verge of crying, and bent over in this position made breathing that much more audible. Mother heard it and as she always said, “tears will wash away the sins.” “THWACK!” This last one opened the tears, but I still tried to keep them back so what came out was muffled sobs, and inadvertent sneezing trying to keep back the air trying to come out. I could feel motions on my butt now with every movement as air tossed and tumbled around my red throbbing whelps. I felt Mothers hand on the small of my back and then another “THWACK!” Oh my this one was really hard and I could feel the tears building but I had to hold them back. I didn’t want to start blubbering like a little baby. I wonder how many more she was going to give me, and then that thought was answered with a loud and much harder than before, “THWACK!” I was shaking now and I couldn’t stop for some reason, and then Mother asked, “Well young man have you learned your lesson?
I replied, “Oh yes Mother, I have learned and I’ll never lie to you again”!
She rubbed my butt and only said, “You’re such a liar, that is what you said last time, and here you are lying the first chance you get!” “THWACK!” “I think right now you’d tell me anything I would want to hear, wouldn’t you?”
“Yes ma’am I probably would”, I blubbered and then the sobs started and I couldn’t stop them. But it didn’t faze Mother one little bit. She just pulled back and let go with another swat. “THWACK!” “So are you going to lie to me any more”, Mother asked?
I assured her that I wouldn’t lie to her or anyone else anymore. I was thinking that maybe she was finished and that I would be able to go my room before I couldn’t keep the tears back. But she wasn’t just yet…
“What about abusing yourself? I’m I going to walk in on you in your room and catch you? You do know that I had better not. So if your going to do that in this house anymore you just need to get out right now and go hang out with the homosexuals on Gaston Ave.” With that last exchange she let go with the most powerful stroke I had ever felt.
I cried out in pain unable to hold back anymore. And then continued with, “Oh please Mother, I won’t do it ever again, please you must believe me, I’ll never do it ever again I’ll show you please just give me one more chance.”
Mother came around and looked at me and told me to look up at her and she stared for a few moments, and the announced that I was lying and she headed back around behind me. I was shaking and my breathing was in short rapid gasps. I was thinking maybe I should try to turn to talk to her when she landed another swat, “THWACK”.
Oh this was too much for me and without actually realizing what was coming out of my mouth I spurt forth, “oh please, please mommy, I won’t lie to you ever again, and I won’t abuse myself ever again, just please don’t hit me anymore, oh please mommy I will do whatever you want me to do. Please mommy, please!”
“What if you don’t, the last time that you lied to me you told me that you wouldn’t do it again, but here you are being punished for lying to me, and on top of that you were caught abusing yourself. What if one of your sisters walked in on you, can you imagine what that would do to them, I don’t think you can, I don’t think that you even care, but you will”. And with that I knew I was in for more, but I wanted to plead just one more time, at least is worth a try. “Oh mommy I want to ensure you that I...” “TWHACK”
This one hurt me more than anything I think I had ever felt and the tears were just flowing out and down my cheeks, “Oh please mommy, please don’t hit me any more, I will never abuse myself again, please believe me” I was crying with out holding back now. I couldn’t stop myself. “Oh please mommy, please please believe me, I’ll be good. I’ll be the best little boy you’ve ever seen, you just wait. I know how to please you and I’ll try and please you every day. I’ll do extra chores around the house, You won’t have to call me young man ever again. I’ll be your young gentleman, just you watch.
I was sobbing as she stood in front of me and told me to stand up like a man. I stood up and had to push up a little on the angels. I was sobbing and snotting out my nose in between my tears. As I finally stood I could feel the pain in my butt and my thighs. Mother grabbed a tissue from her dresser and gave it to me and told me to wipe my eyes and clean my nose. I did and thought about blowing my nose, but for some reason I didn’t think it would be what Mother would want. Mother bent a little and told me to give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I did and I smelt her strong perfume. She stood back and pointed to the floor and told me to step out of my trousers and panties and pick them up and go to my room. She then told me that she would see me tomorrow. As I walked out of her room with my little bundle of clothes and tear trails staining my cheeks, I passed my sisters. With a quick glance I could see the smile on Joyce’s face, but on Janice’s face while she wasn’t smiling I could see no pity in her eyes. The long walk down the hallway, and finally to the safety of my room I walked, closed the door, then I dropped my clothes by my bed. I fell on my bed on my stomach and once there I let go and cried. I cried until I could cry no more and I finally slept.