Should I just give up this lifestyle?

[Adelina]

While I'm not seeking discipline, I too have a vanilla husband (he's from Quebec so I call him a French Vanilla ) who seems to think I'm a little off my rocker. And actually, I have a disorder [OCD] which can easily stand in as a scapegoat for my kinky leanings. I had to convince hubby that I did not need to be cured of my bottom-ism; like Dr. D, I also tried to literally and figuratively throw away my desires, only to have it hit me like a tornado later on.

The mission took a different turn when I began to see hubby's own subby side emerging as I opened up to him, which is sort of touching but sort of frustrating at the same time. That's not quite the direction I was hoping for things to go!

I'm very grateful that he was open, after much discussion, to letting me explore this on my own and seek out others like myself. I know that a lot of partners are not able to be comfortable with that. I know how lucky I am.

As hubby and I are both in a line of work which involves a lot of behavioral management, I've sort of taken this mental turn from wishing he were a top, to working on desensitizing and conditioning him to come along with me on this ride, and in turn making a conscious effort to be attentive to his needs as well. THIS is very important! Even a DD relationship is a two-way street; Doms have needs, too. It's maybe not Dommy to admit it, but there are reasons why they seek out these relationships. There are personality aspects at work which are directing these leanings.

Your husband isn't a natural, so you'll have to be patient in finding ways to compromise and encourage him as you walk together on this journey. It's hard to be patient, especially when emotions are so involved in the mix.

[nightowl]

Adding my two cents here too. I fell for a vanilla guy soon after i realized how much spanking meant to me....I brought it up as something I liked to do during our sex to kind of feel him out, to see if he even enjoyed it.....he did....he liked the "power" it gave him.....about 3-4 months after that I wrote him about submission and dominanace.....very general feelings about how I thought our relationship would work with him being "the man in charge"....he found that writing interesting......again, later I wrote him about my need to be spanked to help me refocus and to bring a constructive way for us to deal with disagreeements.....He let it ride for awhile, and I didn't say anymore....then one day it just happened....I got lippy and he got toppy....and we were off and running.

But it was still difficult for him for awhile.....wasn't he hurting me? He didn't like the marks he left...He felt "evil" sometimes...but we continued to talk about it, continued to incorporate it into our sex life (ie playing Master/slave) and eventually we developed our "own rules" about what was a D/s relationship. I am happy to say that when he died we had the "perfect" D/s relationship, spanking and all......

Don't give up....go slow, write your thoughts, let them sink in and be true to him and yourself....If you're interested, I would be willing to share some of my letters with you offline.

Nightowwwww