Terms Of Endearment

[Adelina]

Goodness, the debate that's gotten on just from me blurting out a comment to BV. It's amazing what a few words can do. (And yes, if ya didn't know, it was me! Nice of him not to say so though.) In no way did I mean to imply that there is anything wrong with the saying "good girl" in itself; I just don't care for its use with me. Makes me feel like a dog that just did a trick. Other terms don't get under my skin quite as much as that one does.

For me, context is a big part of it. There's a difference between being in a scene and playing, vs. having casual conversation. I'm down with all the spanko terms within the context of play, when it adds to the atmosphere; but not necessarily when I'm just being myself and talking with someone. Unlike others who make this a lifestyle, I like to keep a clear distinction between being in- and out-of-character, since being a bottom isn't "me" but rather a role that I slip into in order to relax and have fun.

Some of it simply comes down to personality typing. According to some of my co-workers, I am "cold" in nature. I don't like people hugging or touching me, and if they do, I will shrug them off and ask them not to do it again, which they find offensive. After all, they were trying to be nice! To me, they were thinking about what they wanted, not what I might be open to. Any silly names like honey or sweetheart just make me want to claw my eyes out. They are so demeaning! They are things you say to children, and though I may like to emulate one in play, I'm no child. I have resigned myself to allowing a particular sountherner to call me "sugar," and have become cozy with it, but it isn't something that is natural to me; I have to work at it and kind of talk myself through it.

Here's the problem I run into sometimes: I get easily riled up about all manner of things; it's part of the disorder I live with every day. I have worked hard at training myself to try and let things go when they are not that big of a deal (though they may seem like it to me) or if the person doesn't mean anything negative. I've improved a lot. However, sometimes, in trying to let things slide, really inside, it's sort of stacking up on top of itself, and then one fair night when I'm a little too tired to think about what I'm doing, something rubs me the wrong way and I snap. Or it could even be something that I -was- okay with, but am just not in the mood for at the moment. And then I'm frustrated with myself, because I had tried so hard to hold it in knowing it would be stupid to say anything about it.

Perhaps if I went and lived alone in a cave.....