My First Awareness

[Rose]

I think you are right that this is something that we are most likely born with. I cannot understand why else I would have been so fascinated by it before I was old enough to understand what sexual interest or arousal was. My interest in spanking was and is clearly something that is beyond my control.

What makes it difficult is that it sometimes conflicts with other parts of my personality. I am an intelligent, independent, and capable woman. One of the biggest reasons that I am unable to admit or talk to my friends about my interest is that the fact that my husband spanks me seems to suggest that I am not independent or capable. So when I'm working, or attending classes, or doing any of the things that I am responsible for in the outside world, I feel sometimes like I'm telling a lie. Like I'm putting on a facade of independence that does not necessarily represent who I really am. And I wish that I really could be that way. Does that make sense?