[sarah thorne]

I'm sorry jersey, but I disagree with you and your boyfriend. A man, dominant or not, has the responsibility to use tact sure --- but it is the responsibility of the one who is being asked to make clear their answer is no if they have no intention to play with anyone. Yes, as a bottom/submissive, you do have that responsibility. Especially in a social situation such as a spanking party/club where asking is expected to happen. It's true that they are not entitled to play with you, but no one is a mind reader, as Suzy said. We are not talking about a stranger approaching you on the street.

Bottom's DO have a responsibility -- that is to say "NO" if they mean it. That's like not using your safeword and then crying afterward and saying, "He went beyond my limits and is a horrible person!" Yes a dominant has responsibilities but ultimately we are ALL responsible for ourselves.

To be honest, I don't believe that someone who has not worked out a good way to make their answer of "NO" clear to unwanted requests at parties such as the kinds we go to, have no business going until they can do so. It can cause a lot of problems and misunderstandings when clarity would take care of the issue.

sarah