My First Awareness
 

This is something that I've wondered about. I cannot remember when I first became interested in spanking. I've just always been interested. As early as I can remember, I'd always listen closely whenever other kids talked about spanking. In preschool I remember finding a book called "The Lonely Doll," which had an image of a doll being spanked. Needless to say, I read it over and over again. I wish I understood why I was and am so interested in it. Many times I've wished that I could stop. I still wish it sometimes. I don't know what, if anything, really triggered my interest. It's just always been there.

OMG i know that book....a friend and spanko brought it to a Bottoms Up Party once and i read it to the crew while i was ummm cooling down hehe

Sherie

Rose, I'm not sure any of us can point to one particular event that trigged our interest in this subject. I know I certainly can't. I suspect it is something that we are born with. Its just like one's sexual orientation, in fact, I believe its just a part of that very thing. Its something we don't choose nor have any control over. Of course, there are events, like your "Lonely Doll" book, that fuel our interest and/or reinforce it. But most all the people I've talked to say they've had it for as long as they can remember dating back to early childhood.

And I know exactly what you mean about wishing it would stop, but trust me, its not. That is something I struggled with during my teen years in the 60s. Back then, I thought I was the only person in the world with these thoughts and just wished I could be normal. I tried (to no avail) not to think about it and pretend it didn't exist. Since then, I've learned there is no such thing as normal. And as the years have passed, and with things like the advent of the internet, I've learned that many, many people from all walks of life share this strange fascination and I have learned to except it as an important part of who I am. Now I believe its a gift. IMO, it spices up life and makes it much more interesting. Now, I would hate not to have a spanking fetish because it seems like life would be so boring. And because of it, I've met so many interesting people that I would never have gotten to know otherwise.

But welcome to our forum. You are among friends here and people who understand just how you feel. We've all been there, done that. So just enjoy yourself and this special gift that you have been lucky to receive.

I think you are right that this is something that we are most likely born with. I cannot understand why else I would have been so fascinated by it before I was old enough to understand what sexual interest or arousal was. My interest in spanking was and is clearly something that is beyond my control.

What makes it difficult is that it sometimes conflicts with other parts of my personality. I am an intelligent, independent, and capable woman. One of the biggest reasons that I am unable to admit or talk to my friends about my interest is that the fact that my husband spanks me seems to suggest that I am not independent or capable. So when I'm working, or attending classes, or doing any of the things that I am responsible for in the outside world, I feel sometimes like I'm telling a lie. Like I'm putting on a facade of independence that does not necessarily represent who I really am. And I wish that I really could be that way. Does that make sense?

Rose, you just phrased the inner struggle most of us fight with perfectly. Granted, there are a few absolute and complete submissives who may not have such feelings... But as for the greater majority of us, we all face that sometimes.

My head's screwed on tight, I'm responsible with everything in my daily life, I've been financially independent since I was 16... I don't NEED anyone to take control of my life or reinforce positive habits... but, I want it. Or, at least I want the idea that I have that formidable, stable "rock" in my life.

My real name isn't Aurora, but I feel like Aurora is who I really am, and my other name is just associated with the vanilla persona I have to wear sometimes.

I can rember reading TheWhipping Boy over,and over as a child. Finding spankin passages in books etc, The memory that sticks the most though was the first time I heard girl told to take her pants and panties off for a spanking. Ithink Iwas six. boing! instant spanko.

While I am curious why I am this way, I no longer "question" it, in the sense that it's something wrong. I think one of the watershed moments of my life was when I embraced who I am (in this context) and was (am) thankful for it. If there were a magic pill to restore us to full vanilla-ness, I would avoid it like the plague, and have the antidote always handy and within arms reach.

That self-acceptance can be a long time coming, but I think it's important to reach it. I think that one of the blessings of the younger generation is that they will never have to pass through what those before them did, largely due to the universal communication of the Internet bringing the community together. Knowing that others are out there and just like us is an incredibly cleansing experience.

it seem's that i've always been interested in spanking as far back as i can remember. just a natural born spanker, i saw alot of spankings in school back in the fifties and sixties , i don't know what really sparked my fetish for ssspapanks alotpanking? but it's good to know that i'm not alone by a long shot!. spanks alot,wowbutts

I don't recall as far back as i remember type of feeling. But I do know that I got sick, and as I recovered I got into this. Seems odd but that's what I recall anyway. I also recall a spanking as a teen (15) that seemed different that the kiddie spankings I got, even though it wasn't harder. My memory of this spanking is very strong.

--liz

grade school and school paddlings was my first memory. Always a big deal when somebody got swats. Huge beyond huge when a girl got it...still remember them all!!